Off My MInd
by iheartechos
Summary: REVISED... old pen name chrissyweasley... that the 6 chapter series as a one shot... please read and reveiw... (Hermione and Ron angst story of forrbaden love)


AW(authors word): The Exact same story… bit of grammar fixed… take it as a one shot…enjoy

Hermione sat down still, her legs crossed and her face slammed against the table. She never did love him, money or famousness couldn't buy her over, and Krum was not the one she loved. She didn't love him, she didn't need him, the way she needed someone else. Who now thought she couldn't care for him and never would?

If she could go back in time she would have been brave enough to say 'no' or to cry but she hadn't been brave. The cleaver Hermione Granger could not take her problems head on. She had forced a smile and nodded. She glared at the meaningless ring wrapped around her finger concealing her fears, and sadness.

It was never meant to turn out that way; Hermione wouldn't even have dated Krum if it wasn't for him, Ron Weasley, who she had wanted to notice her. She would have cried herself to sleep if her tears weren't broken, and she would smile if she where a fool. Everything she had thought was one way or another but how wrong could that be? There was nothing she could turn to, except her heart which was bleeding like never before.

A wrinkle appeared on her forehead like it had so many times before, to show her deep in thought. She could walk up to Victor and say she couldn't marry him. It would be living a lie. But Ron didn't love her, it was either Krum, or lost dreams. Dreams that where dreams and nothing else.

A man appeared in the door to a bar, down the street. If she knew he was there the tears would have fallen. And if she knew the reason hew as there, she would have ran into his arms and it would have been all right, for that moment. But she only thought this in her dreams.

"I'll have a fire whiskey." His voice rasped, but its heart screamed horrible stories, and betrayals. He handed the bar tender 3 sickles, and took a deep drink. No matter what he tried, he could not forget her. Her smile, her honey hair, and her sparkling eyes, that lit up for Victor and not for himself. _"Damn life, damn world, that damn girl I loved!"_ Life was never this confusing, he never cried like he did now.

He was so ready to tell her, so ready to get punched witless by Krum, he was so ready so say he loved her. But he could never be ready enough to face that moment again...

Ron dashed into the Italian restaurant Hermione and Krum were for a date, he was going to tell her, this was it. Krum would probably beat him and the press would have a field day but it was worth it, better to let her know then to have an unlived life, "Sir could you tell me where Master Krum and his date are?" Ron asked the attendant.

"Sorry, sir I can't give you that information." He replied dusting his glasses. Ron looked around and pulled two galleons out of his coat pocket.

"Two galleons says you can!" Ron said nodding. He didn't care that he wouldn't hold two galleons for another few days.

"Right this way sir." He said leading him to a hallway, "Last booth on the right."

This was it, he said walking slowly, I'm only going to confess my undying, _oh god I'm going to confess my undying love. _He swallowed and walked quietly, and before looking in yelled, "Hermione, is that you?"

"...Hermyone I tink that is Ronald." Came the distinct voice of Krum.

"Ron?" Hermione said nervously. This was it he was going to tell her, he walked around the corner, to see Krum kneeling on the floor and Hermione wearing a gold diamond ring.

"Guess wha Ron, me and Myonee are engaged!" Ron stopped in his tracks; he felt the worst pain ever, piercing through his heart, tearing his soul. He cried on the inside but on the outside he muttered a horse 'great.'

And that's what he would do cry on the inside, and smile on the outside. He was a fool, a fool who didn't know what he wanted besides a girl. Who he couldn't get. So he drank, and drank but nothing could get her off his mind.

"Where have you been Ron?" Harry said as Ron entered the flat they shared, around 1:30 at night. "Still upset about Hermione?"

"Yeah, was someone over?" Ron asked dropping on the couch. Harry was clearing off the coffee table.

"Uh... yeah Ginnywasoverforsomewine..." Harry said quickly trying to make Ron not notice.

"Oh come on, why do you have to date my sister. And really, for wine?" Ron asked upset.

"Ron, she's old enough to make her own decisions, I mean she is 23! We have been dating for 4 years! I mean an engagement, was coming!" Harry said, casually, Ron picked up on it.

"What? Come on! Everyone is getting married except me. I'm going to end up having to marry Neville or someone." Ron said. He hid his tears with jokes, and he screamed but complained. It wasn't Harry's fault that Hermione loved someone else.

"Sorry mate, horrible timing." Harry said, tapping him on his back. Maybe he should give up on Hermione... but he couldn't he just couldn't. Never in his life, be fully aware of not loving her.

……… part two

"You're such a jerk Ron, I'm already engaged!" Hermione said showing him her wedding cake. "You know we are!"

"Leave me and My'one lone. It's our honiemoon!" Victor said, trying to scare him off. "I'll kill you if you touch h'r!" Hermione nodded in agreement.

"But I love you Hermione and I want to be with you." Ron said, Victor frowned, stepping forward.

"Sorry, I have to do this Ron..."

"RON! Get the bloody hell up!" Harry said leaning over Ron. Ron awoke from another nightmare. It had happened every night since he had found out about the engagement. It made him so angry and sweaty; he sometimes arrived late for work. He was always trying to get rid of the haunting news, and when he floated off into usually a peaceful sate of mind, his horrors where stronger then ever.

"Really, Harry do you have to wake me up with such a shock?" Ron muttered said sitting himself up on the couch in their living room. "I had the worst dream..." Ron always had to check, he knew it was impossible, but just that one second of thinking there was hope between him and Hermione made it worth waking up everyday, "Hermione was marrying Krum, and you proposed to my sister..." the silencing stare pierced through his heart beating a hole through him.

"Sorry mate." Harry said trying comfort Ron, "Why don't you tell her, she may have some emotional break down and cancel the wedding." He frowned. Ron knew he was trying to be nice, but it didn't work. Nothing he said could make him feel better, there was only one voice that could do that, and it belonged some one he couldn't hear in the way he wanted to hear it.

"Leave it Harry! Just leave it." Ron stayed for a silent cup of coffee he grabbed his brown blazer, and like he did every workless day, left. He left in the morning and didn't return until late at night, sorrow grabbed his time and disregarded it like everything else. There was only two times in Ron's life; the first from when he was born until he found out Hermione was engaged. The second seemed a thousand years longer, even though it had been hardly a week.

"Where were you Hermyne? I've been so worried. I searched you're parents house, you're flat. I was even over to Arry's?" Victor asked as Hermione walked into his 4 bedroom bungalow. How much she hated walking in here, pictures of her and victor covered the tables. In the pictures she smiled and waving, she was happy then because there was still hope in her and Ron. But he didn't like her. And she knew it.

"I was err... out with Ginny..." She said, rushing up the stairs and dumping her purse and coat on their bed. "Um... girl stuff." She said.

"You should have called me, I was so worried." He said leaning against the door framing. He smiled, "I love you so much." Hermione's eyes nearly watered, she wished so bad she could wake every morning and be happy to see her fiancé lying next to her, his gentle breathing soothing her. But that was impossible, she never would be truly happy until she could wake every morning and not be lying next to her fiancé.

She hid her fears with a giggle, "I love you." How she longed to say those three words with meaning. He rushed over and picked her up spinning her and her golden brown hair spun like a spindling web of love. This however only dampened her spirit more. He had so much love to give, and he was wasting it on someone who could not truly appreciate it.

……..part three

_Come on Ron, you where happy before you met her. _Because I didn't know what I was missing, the cute face, the telling offs, the sweet honey smell. _Yes but look at her! _Ron was sitting on a bench in Kensington Gardens having another go at himself. A girl who looked rather familiar jogged past, a stick poking out through her jeans pocket. "You're wand's showing." Ron said as she came closer.

A smile stretched across her face as she poked it down, "Ron Weasley?" she said, Ron nodded, he didn't know where this was going but she looked some what familiar, "Lavender Brown, from Hogwarts! What's it been... four years?" She asked holding out a hand.

Lavender Brown, she was looking quiet dashing, "Yes," Ron said reaching fir her hand and shaking it. She was a nice girl but Ron wondered how much she had spent on plastic surgery in the last 4 year... quiet a lot.

"Wow! You've certainly grown in the last few years." For the first time since that drunken girl in the Hogshead he was sized up. Damn right sized up. "How would you like to get together sometime? Talk a bit..." She smiled, and then added to harshly, "You don't have a girl friend do you?"

What do I do? _Go out for supper, have fun, get her drunk and snog her. _What about Hermione? _You got no hope with her, she's already married. _But I love her, I don't love a desperate piece of plastic. _Just this one date... _"Ok, tonight at six, sound good?" He asked merrily, but he hoped so much she would say she was busy, couldn't or just plan 'no'.

"Sure, here is my address." She took a laminated card out of her purse and handed it to him. _What's she anyway... a hooker? _She smiled kissed him on the cheek and jogged away, her wand sticking out again. _I swear anything she is! _

"Well, Harry I got asked out by a hooker today!" He said after Harry asked what he had been doing. Harry backed away mocking a freaked out face. "And... I said 'ok, tonight at six!' I'm such an idiot.

"I will agree with you there, you are an idiot." This was what Ron classified a 'slap' comment, "But maybe you can get Hermione out of you're system if you go on a few dates. What's her name anyway?" Harry asked pouring a cup of coffee.

"Lavender Brown!" Harry looked at him shocked, "I swear!" At this Harry spat the coffee at an alarmingly fast speed.

"Anyway, Ginny's coming over." Harry said turning on the kettle.

"Come on, you'll slip to her I'm crying every night for Hermione. She'll make a big deal and tell Hermione. And I won't even have her as a friend!" The words just came spilling out of his mouth. He hadn't told Harry out straight he cried every night. But now he knew and it was silent for a minute.

"Don't worry, I won't tell Ginny you _love_ Hermione." Ron hit Harry across the head; Ginny had walked in the front door, and heard what Harry had said. Or at least the 'you _love _Hermione.' Part.

"YOU WHAT?" Ginny dropped her coat and looked horrified at Ron, "I knew you used to have a school boy crush on her, but I thought it had gone... and you _love _her?" Ginny grabbed the cup of coffee Harry was about to sip, 'You've been drinking to much coffee later honey.'

"Do you mind not sweet talking my best friend?" Ron said, _She has every right they are engaged._ Let's keep on topic here, idiot! _Lets not._ "And Ginny I can't believe you're going to marry a prat like Harry."

"I'm not a prat!" Harry said, Ginny and Ron ignored the comment.

"Do you mind answering me...?" Ginny said frustrated. Ron said nothing, he never liked to lie. But he really couldn't tell his little sister. Just as he was about to change the subject, Harry was feeling left out...

"He does, he loved her since sixth year at least! And he has been crying every night since he found out they where engaged." Harry blurted it all out before Ron could stop him. He jumped towards Harry and punched him on the shoulder. Sending an evil stare at Ginny. He grabbed his coat, and ran out the front door.

_Screw Harry, curse Ginny, forget Hermione! _Forget Hermione? _Yes she is only trouble. _Really what-ever happened to 'I love her'? _Things change. _Okay then what are you going to do? _I'm going to go to Lavender's it's almost 6, then as you suggested earlier 'snog her senseless'. _Well look who came crawling back. Ron walked up a cement walk way and too a large oak door, _Here goes nothing. _

"Hello Ginny!" Hermione said opening the door to Ginny, who looked like she had run a marathon. "Err... what are you doing?" Finally someone she could talk to, she wasn't going to tell her about Ron. But at least she could put a smile on her face. Even though the smile was yet a smile piece of something horrible.

"Look Hermione, I was over at Harry's, we are engaged by the way." Ginny started.

"What? You're engaged oh, I'm so excited." He smiled a true smile for the first time in many days. Her happy thoughts where interrupted.

"Yes, no time for that though. Anyway Harry spilled that Ron was in love with you, he Ron punched Harry and took off for some bar." Ginny said, Hermione's mind raced. _Ron couldn't love her, it was impossible. _No it's not, I mean look at you're self. Hermione looked at the mirror next to the stair case. See girl you're beautiful. _No I'm not you B. _

"He doesn't love me, and why would I care." She frowned; there were so many reasons why she cared. For one reason she loved him. She knew it was impossible but she dreamed Ginny would tell her it was true.

Her dreams came true, "Yes, Ron loves you! You love Ron, so get you're ass over to the bar on Twenty Second St. This minute." Ginny pushed Hermione out of the door, Hermione (pretended to) fight her off and failed. The second she couldn't see Ginny anymore she bursted into a sprint.

This was it she was going to see Ron, and she would be happy...

…………..part four

Hermione slowed down panting, this was the third bar she had checked and she hoped this would be the last one. The last one where she would see Ron, and maybe he would see her. She ran in and walked to the bar breathing heavily, "Did you..." she said quickly, "See a guy... tall, red head?"

"He's in the back, love!" A man said polishing a glass with a dirty brown rag. _You can do this Hermione, you've never been afraid before. _I can't oh god I can't. Hermione almost turned around. _Seize you're power and get you're ass in there! _

Hermione looked around the corner and into the back room, "Ron..." Her head screamed with pain, her heart bleed and she couldn't hear. Ron sat with an over done girl, lipstick smeared across his face and the girl kissing him like she was going to die. Yet the only one who would die was Hermione, her heart pierced and every inch off her body ached. And suddenly Ron looked up.

He looked into her eyes and, Hermione could not look back. Nothing but pain that was all, his eyes where mischievous, her eyes where tiered and still. Not blinking and a signal tear drop trickled down her cheek, people where starting to sing drunkenly, but she couldn't hear the words all she heard was the silence that filled her body.

Hermione? _Seeing me snog a hooker. _She probably just came to tell you off. _But she looks so upset. _He could see something in her eyes and in her soul but he couldn't place it. A tear trickled down her face and made her even more beautiful. He pushed Lavender off his lap, and said a quiet 'Hermione, it not...'

"It's not what? Why would I care you're making out with a random stranger?" Hermione said struggling, _something wasn't right here. Why is she so upset? _Hermione starred at the floor for a minute. Ron starred at her loving her more every second. "Why Ron, would I be mad? Answer it you're self."

She turned around and walked pronounced to the front part of the bar, "Curse it! Curse it all! Just kill me! I give up!" Ron yelled, he wiped the glasses and candles of the table and onto the floor, a crash echoed through the room as the singing died down. "Damn you!" He pushed the light plastic table and it slide into lavender pushing her back.

"Hey, what you doing to the lady?" A tall burley man noticed Lavender struggling from the table. Lavender smiled as the man helped her up. Ron frowned inside and outside. "That's right man; no one messes with the girls!" He flexed his mussels and cracked his knuckles.

"F you!" Ron yelled swinging at him, his hand collided with his head (he swore he heard an echo) and a yelp of pain echoed through the room. Ron got another sharp pain to join the constant piercing of his heart, a foot came driving at him and a pain shot through his body.

"Hey, break it up you punks! Get lost." A shock creped along his spine, and a fell back onto the hard and cold bar floor.

She lied to me! He doesn't love me, what he loves is making out with hookers. Why did I let myself believe this crap? Why would he love me, and why should I spend my time wasting love on him? _Because you're a fool for him. _I am. Hermione was walking quietly through the park and the sun was setting, she looked ahead the Peter Pan statue stood in front of her and it really was beautiful. She wished she could fell happy again to see that statue and wonder about Peter and Wendi's adventures but she felt that her story was complicated enough.

A little girl and her mother stopped to look at the statue; the girl smiled and looked adoringly at Peter playing his recorder. What horrible story was behind those faces, something sad? There was something sad about every face she saw, and when she arrived home she looked into the mirror and she saw the sadist face yet.

…..part five

Ron awoke a tear running down his cheek, and a strand of light filtering in threw the bard window. This never would have happened, he never would be in this mess, If it wasn't for _Harry, Lavender, Ginny, Hermione. Hermione. _Ron tried to blame it on others but he knew it was his fault. His fault for falling in love, for trying hard, for giving up, for getting in a fight. For, Ron gulped, for falling in love with her.

It was very early, a hour before the guards would wake the jailers, and Ron was lying on the hard cold and flat bunk he was given, just like the old love stories. Except the happy ending, no outstanding kiss for him... all he got was the jail. _That see_ms _to please him. _Ron thought his jail partner, was smiling in his sleep, he wore shabby cloths and seemed to think the jail as heaven. Like Ron thought it would be to hold Hermione.

Every little thing reminded him of her, the book rack that trotted through the hallways, the sun gleaming brightly, the list went on and on. But all Ron could think about was how he betrayed himself to that stupid Lavender. He never did like her, now he despised him. When Hermione had entered she was smiling was she happy for him getting a girl. But then her face turned to a frown, she was ashamed of him. To have him as a friend let alone love.

Ron got up, it was better to wake up and be ready for the prisoners then wait for them. He remembered Hermione reading this aloud to him on a sunny day, they where sitting under a tree and she was reading a journal entry Sirius had written in his 12 years in the wizard jail. Ron never thought that would be useful, then again he never would have thought that he would be put in temporary jail for getting into a bar fight over the bossy friend he used to fight with, because he loved her.

Hermione sat cross legged in the chair across from the fire in Harry's and Ron's flat. Harry was off to some business meeting so, Ginny was trying to comfort Hermione, and not get a beating. She had been such a fool to believe it, Ginny said she meant what she said, and was on the verge of bailing Ron just to beat him up.

Hermione was engaged (sorry if I screwed it up time wise I'm bad for that) to be married in a few days and her real love was in jail, she thought he deserved it, but she know he did it for a reason. Why after she had left, would he get in a fight with a random guy? Her logical thought where screaming 'Because, idiot, he was drunk' but her heart cried for it to be something deeper.

But if he loved her why would he make out with a hooker? She cried again showing Ginny everything wasn't, 'al' righ' she received a warming smile and a hug. Tomorrow was the bridal shower and she was destined to pretend to be happy. Pretend being the main thing.

"Visitor!" The guard said before Ron could finish the so called lunch. Ron looked up who would it be? Who ever it was, it wouldn't be good, he heard a tap of high heal shoes echo down the echo. The men in cells turned towards the noise whistling and calling as Lavender brown strided into the jail.

"Ronald, baby. I thought maybe you'd like a bail from me?" No wonder the jailers where cat calling and drooling, Lavender was wearing a short (where talking two or three inches long here) leather skirt and a pink halter. She was smiling mischievously as the jailers smiled and called at her.

"Why would I want that?" Ron really asked, he had no where to go but down, which he wanted to do right here, in jail. Lavender reached down her halter and pulled out money from a 'secret stash' (hehe... snickers), she waved it. And Ron frowned; she wanted to bail him out. She was desperate.

"Cause Ronnie, I have the money and much more I would like to share." Typical slut, wanting more. And willing anything for it! The guys around where looking jealously at Ron.

"Get lost lavender, I don't want to see you're face ever again!" Ron yelled his emotions taking over. "Go take home one of those dogs. I'm in love with someone else so get lost you slut!" Lavender looked a mixture of madness and shock.

"No one says no to Lavender Brown!" Lavender shrieked. The police stood foreword grabbing her and pushing her to the door.

"Actually I just did!" Ron said, he then found he still had a sliver of self respect. Little did he know that Harry's business meeting actually had something to do with filming Ron's actions and showing them to a certain brunette?

…….part six

"... And so you see Ron really does love you! I mean why else would he say no to someone that hot..." Harry received a punch from Ginny, he and Ginny had put together a video of proof Ron liked her... good thing Victor wasn't home.

"Listen, he does NOT like me, let alone love, and why would I care?" Hermione said angrily, just because she told Ginny she had a crush on him in school doesn't mean she was still in love.

"Because you're in LURVE with him!" Harry mimicked, he received another punch, this time from Hermione.

"Hermione! Why don't you just ask you're fiancé for sixty dollars to bail out the guy you've loved since you were twelve?" Ginny said. She made it sound so simple, which it wasn't, and which Hermione was not willing to admit 'made sense'.

Hermione was silent, "I don't have time for this. I got a wedding in... two hours." Hermione said walking up the stairs to her room. _That tape was so convincing... _Why would you care? _I don't know... _Yes you do... _No I don't. _Why are you fighting with you're self then. She knew the answer, but she continued buttoning up her wedding dress, she also continued crying silent tears.

"You're free to go Weasley!" The man said as Ron was tugged into the main office, "Bail." Ron stopped, Harry was at it again. Bailing him out, he was going to get an especially good Christmas gift.

"Who...?" He just had to check. The man raised his eyebrows and leafed through papers.

"Um... Let me see that would be... Confidential! Now get out of my site before I change my mind." Ron might have been dreaming but he swore he didn't see Harry's name on the paper, when he turned around.

"Harry!" Ron said entering their flat. Harry looked up, he was fixing his tie and Ginny was in the bath room attempting to button up her dress. "Why didn't you wait for me to come out?"

"What are you doing here and what are you talking about?" Harry said looking puzzled. Truth was Harry and Ginny had set it up to make it look like they weren't the ones who bailed him.

"What are _you _talking about? Did mum and dad bail me?" Ron asked leaning back in his leather chair.

"Nope we didn't tell her, out of goodness of heart!" Ginny said coming out with her dress unbuttoned. "What?" She added when Ron gave her an unproven look.

Before Harry could _assist _Ginny in fixing her dress, he remembered Ron still hadn't noticed the fact here. 'Everyone (even Snape admitted it once) wants Hermione and Ron to get together.' "Well Ron maybe a someone else bailed you... speaking of that someone else's wedding before she gets even more upset.

Ginny managed to fix her dress by herself and fix Harry's tie, they left with two loud 'POPS!' and Ron was left alone with his thoughts. Thoughts of what Hermione meant to him, and what he meant to her. And how she would be married in minutes.

How the love of his life was going to get married in several minutes. He was going to sit here and let it happen, first the wedding, then the honeymoon (Ron's stomach lurched), then the years of happiness, and then the children, everything. Everything. And how he was not going to get anything.

How he was going to let it all past him like the world spinning and not stopping for him to catch his breath. Though he did not relies he was running down the road towards the white church, _she would be kissing him now, on the altar. _His breathing was telling him to stop breathing, but his legs did not listen.

Cars where parked neatly in lines outside the church, trees where crimson, and his heart was beating. He took on last breath of this life, before he stepped into a new world. Hermione stood stunningly in front of Victor a tear trailing down her check, 'tears of joy' the best man had said to Victor. But for once Ron saw past the outside and ran down the isle.

"Stop!" Ron yelled his voice echoing around the church. Hermione starred at him, her eyes looking in his. "Hermione Granger, I love you and always have!" Ron ran towards Hermione grabbing her by the shoulders, and kissed her. Like there was nothing else in the world, he kissed her.

And she kissed back, "I feel the same way about you." Hermione said, Victor stopped, staring at her. "Sorry Victor." Hermione said, Victor pulled up his arm ready to punch Ron, to kill Ron. But when he saw the longing in Hermione's eyes he stopped, he didn't want to hurt her.

Hermione mouthed a 'thanks' as Ron lifted her away, and he knew the love he had for her could never come off his mind.

Well there it is ! NOW Listen up if you think this isn't Chrissyweasley… emaile both my old email and chrissyweasleys… mine…. And email so I no to check……..! anywho…. REVEIW


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